Top 10: Rob Zombie Firefly Family
Rob Zombie introduced us to the fanatically psychotic Firefly Family in House of 1000 Corpses, and each member is delightfully strange and strangely endearing. Some, however, are more endearing than others, and some have grown to become legendary figures in the horror canon. Here’s our ranking of every member of the creepy clan.
CAUTION: MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS
HONORABLE MENTION: DR. SATAN
Dr. Satan isn’t “technically” a part of the family, though it is rumored that he is a legend made up by the family to draw people to their murder house. In the legends, he’s played by Grandpa Hugo, but any scenes referencing this fact were left on the cutting room floor and, therefore, can’t be an actual part of the list.
9. EARL "THE PROFESSOR"
Earl (Jake McKinnon) is relegated to his low position on the list simply due to lack of screen-time. He’s the big, hulking beast who tore down the underground lair of Dr. Satan at the end of House of 1000 Corpses. He’s a badass character and should be much higher on the list, but there’s very little backstory and, other than the 2-3 minutes he is chasing the last female victim, he doesn’t really do anything else.
Grandpa Hugo (Dennis Fimple), the least-developed and probably most annoying member of the Firefly Family, deserves his spot as the worst of the bunch simply because he’s hardly in the films and he doesn’t play an important role. He serves more as a perverted foil to the rest of the family, and while he’s certainly a better character than the Grandpa from TCM, perhaps he would’ve been better served to be a silent character as well. He’s annoying and strange, but, eccentricities aside, he is a fairly member compared to the rest of his offspring.
7. RUFUS "RJ"
Rufus (Robert Allen Mukes and Tyler Mane) falls a spot above Hugo because he actually does something useful during the films, helping to defend the house during the assault at the beginning of Devil’s Rejects and shooting car tires out in House of 1000 Corpses to strand motorists at the Firefly Ranch. He doesn’t get a ton of screen-time, but he is played by the Tyler Mane in Devil’s Rejects, better known for his role as Michael Myers in Zombie’s version of Halloween.
6. GLORIA "MAMA"
Mama Firefly (Karen Black and Leslie Easterbrook) is the matriarch of the family and is has some truly great scenes. While it’s difficult to ever argue against Karen Black, Leslie Easterbrook had the better scenes as Mama Firefly, especially during her jailhouse scenes during The Devil’s Rejects. She’s a badass bitch and she knows it, and she serves as the motivation for many of the other family members’ actions. She fights until the end, trying desperately to use her feminine wiles until she is murdered by the rogue Sheriff.
Tiny (Matthew McGrory) suffers from gigantism, and film canon says that he carries his scars from the time his father, The Professor, tried to burn him alive. Tiny is the “kind” one of the group, and while he certainly takes part in a good number of the Family’s actions, he doesn’t seem as invested in the torture aspect that many of the others tend to enjoy. He also has several funny scenes, including one in which he gets angry that the man selling the group chickens insinuates he’s buying them to have sex with them. He’s naturally indignant, and rightfully states that they’ll never buy chickens from him again.
4. WINSLOW "FOXY" COLTRANE
Man, it’s hard to crack the top three in this list, but Richard Brake does his damndest to try. Better known in the Zombie-verse for his incredible role in 31, Brake can fucking act, and he kills it despite being in easily the worst of the three films that are a part of the trilogy. He’s a badass character in 3 From Hell, and his efforts to break Otis and Baby out of prison, as well as defeat the attacks they face in Mexico, earn him the number four spot on this list.
Baby Firefly (Sheri Moon Zombie) is one crazy bitch. Her baby talk is creepy as hell and she’s every bit as handy with a knife as her brother Otis. She’s not afraid to wreak some havoc or bathe in blood, and she is downright terrifying in House of 1000 Corpses. She’s in all three films, which certainly lends to her notoriety, but the other two on the list barely edge her out for a higher position. However, of all of the members of the Firefly Family, Baby seems to be the one most likely to torture her victims and enjoy doing it, and her carefree giggle while she’s doing it will chill you to the core.
2. CAPTAIN SPAULDING
3 From Hell is desperately missing Sid Haig, who sadly passed away shortly after filming had begun and forced his part to be written out of the final installment, save a short cameo appearance. He’s a foul-mouthed, brutal, sexist clown with disgusting teeth, and he delivers some of the best lines of the entire trilogy. His chicken and gasoline establishment is amazing, and his Monster Ride kicks off the entire series. He’s got a great way with a gun, and while he’s not the scariest member of the family, he is the most memorable. If you ask anyone from the most hardcore gorehound to the novice theater goer to name someone from the “House of 1000 Corpses” movies, 99 times out of 100 they’re gonna name the clown.
1. OTIS DRIFTWOOD
Otis is fucking terrifying. Bill Moseley acts his ass off in the Firefly Trilogy, and it shows. His one-liners and terrifying monologues are a psychotic’s wet dream, and he’s the Manson of the group, as evident by his slight misquote with the line “I am The Devil and I’m here to do The Devil’s work.” Otis is a bad man, and as many bad characters as exist in horror, I don’t know that there’s one I’d less rather see in a dark alley. Otis kills because he likes killing, and he kills in a much more brutal way than any of the other members of the Family. He kills with anything at his disposal and he kills whoever is at his disposal. One of the better characters in horror history, he easily beats out the rest of his Family for #1 on this list.