• Rev Horror

Killer Rack: Breast Picture

Dir. Gregory Lamberson (2015)


A woman is unhappy with her small breasts, with every part of her life suffering from her lack of assets. Unfortunately, she finds a plastic surgeon who is looking to resurrect an elder god.

There are a lot of things holding women back in today’s world: the gender pay gap, piece of shit boyfriends, tit monsters. Betty (played by the delightful Jessica Zwolak) is unfortunately dealing with all three, not to mention her breasts, which stopped growing when she was around 13. She feels inadequate, and, what’s more important, she is constantly treated like she’s inadequate in every sector of her life. To help alleviate her struggles, she seeks the help of a psychiatrist, Dr. Foin (the always amazing Lloyd Kaufman), and a cleverly-named plastic surgeon, Dr. Cate Thulu (the equally fantastic and over-the-top Debbie Rochon). Dr. Thulu is trying her best to find a host for the resurrected elder god Mammora, and mild-mannered Betty is the perfect choice.

I’m told this is totally normal doctor-patient interaction.

Betty’s boyfriend Dutch (Sam Qualiana) is an asshole, the type that forgets anniversaries and birthdays and openly insults Betty’s lack of chest every chance he gets. When he is suddenly more interested in his girlfriend when she gets a boob job (but no less of an asshole), Betty finally decides to teach him a lesson that he needs to reform his act before he gets any sex. He waits until she falls asleep to grope her, and her new tits immediately bite off his hand. The cops, looking for the animal that they believe to be responsible for his injury, focus on the boyfriend’s turtle in a hilarious scene. Betty is released from their questioning due to lack of evidence, and her breast-possessed body goes on a rampage, eliminating those who are most deserving.

The film feels like if Troma made Re-Animator, with plenty of goofy Lovecraftian fun to go along with the outrageous gore. The acting is poor but entertaining, with each actor hamming up their role exactly as one would expect from a movie with a title like Killer Rack. The movie continually subverts tropes, and it is as much parody as it is comedy. It’s clever and ridiculous as only a movie about killer breasts can be. This is a movie where the breasts have their own personality and voice, as in they have their own voiceover. When Betty begins to be taken over by the elder gods living inside her bosom, she shows the wooden performance any Hammer Horror fan would love. It’s perfect for the role even though it might be off-putting to anyone who expects the acting in their films to be good. The Lovecraftian elements are as otherworldly as they are nonsensical, and it works exactly as intended for a film like this.

Get a look at them titteeth!

There’s no real horror here, as this is clearly a straightforward horror comedy. There’s nothing scary, but again, there’s nothing supposed to be. By far the most entertaining characters in the film are the two cops, who are as cookie-cutter cop trope as possible, with one retiring at the end of this case and one a newbie on the force who is wanting to have a baby with his new bride. If you miss these facts, don’t worry. They repeat them ad nauseum throughout every scene in which they appear, to highly comedic effect. As with most other movies like this, if you go into this expecting to see a high quality horror movie, you’re going to come away extremely disappointed. If you want a newer film in the style of The Toxic Avenger or Tromeo and Juliet, you’ll be impressed with the ridiculous concepts and well-executed comedy. And it’s got a kickass theme song, too.

Who this movie is for: Troma fans; Horror comedy fans; The well-endowed

Bottom line: Stupid, ridiculous, and genuinely funny at times, Killer Rack is worth a watch for anyone who appreciates this type of humor. Lovecraft movies tend to be incredibly hit or miss, but this one hits more than it misses. There’s a lot to love here, and for fans of stupid humor this one can be a diamond in the rough. Don’t expect to be scared, and don’t expect to love it if you don’t like juvenile, Troma-esque humor. It’s far from the best Lovecraft-themed film, but it’s also far from the worst.

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